Life, Fiber, Books and All











{March 14, 2008}   I know my logic is off, so why can’t I change?

I have trouble sleeping. Most specifically falling asleep.

I’ve been of meds, good and bad to help with the sleep. Including what appears (by way of TV) to be the hottest new drug Ambien CR. I was on it several years ago and after a few days it didn’t do anything for me. I think a year later I finally stopped taking it because it just wasn’t doing anything, and why take a drug that isn’t doing you any good?

I’ve tried herbal remedies and supplements. And so far the very best one has been liquid melatonine from “Natrol”. It really, really, really helps alot.

So why not take it now and get to sleep (its 1:57 am)? Because the bottle is empty. And the store that carried them (which was literally on the other side of the state) is closed-permenatly.

Sure, I have several bottles of the same brand of Melatonin in 3mg pills. Why 3mg instead of the 1mg you tried and found to be helpful? Well because you were so excited to find it you bought several bottles without thinking to see if they were any different from the first brand.

And for whatever reason the 3mg pills do not cut very well, they just crumble up and end up a mess. If I take the whole pill then I end up sleeping about 4 hours more then I need or want to.

Plus, due to the bad depression  I spoke of earlier the drug I was on changed.

When I went on the drug it was both an experiement to see if it would work, and work well instead of making me worse, and to see if the side effect would be good.

Now, there are several side effects. #1 would be a penchant for causing liver failure, thus every six months I get to have blood tests (fasting blood tests!) to make sure that it hasn’t started to shut down. And among the myriad of other things I cannot remember it also causes sleepyness. Which is really great! I took it at night and it helped. The first few months it literally nocked me out. And slowly since then its stopped working as well, but it still did help with sleep.

Well, with the depression I’ve changed both amounts of the drug and the type of drug. But its the same drug…. basically. Now its time released instead of all going into affect at once. And thats a good thing. It means I get a more constant and consistant supply of the chemicals. I’m less likely to experience mood swings, and I don’t have to take the pills at certain times, so many times a day.

Unfortunatly the down side is that with the increase of the medication the nearve receptors that were hit with the drug at a lower dose aren’t hit anymore, and I don’t experience that nasty side effect of sleepyness.

Which means that I’m a bit screwed. Particularly with my logic being off.

Anyway, back to the logic.

I have this idea in my mind, which I’ve never voiced before. But one thats been there nonetheless.

  • If I stray up really late then I’ll get really tired.
  • If I’m really tired then I’ll fall asleep quickly.
  • If I fall asleep quickly I won’t spend so much time in bed laying awake
  • If I’m asleep I will not be tempted to read in bed to fall asleep.

Now, according to several different doc’s in several different professions you shouldn’t treat your room like a room. It should just be a place to store cloths and sleep. You don’t want to have a television (I don’t, I don’t even have room for one) or anything to distract you from falling asleep. You want it to be a place where you just relax. If you have other stimulous then you will be distracted. In addition you need to treat your bed as a sleeping surface. NEVER do anything but sleep in it. If you need to read or do anything but sleep get up. Otherwise your body will think that the bed is more then jus ta sleeping surface and it will be harder for the body to sleep in the bed.

I of course almost always read in bed. Last night it was the second book in the Forerunner series by Andre Norton. And unfortuantly I cannot remember the name at the moment.

I’ve taken to reading her books (at least the ones that I’ve purchased from used book stores and occasionally when I find them from regular book stores) by when they were first copyrighted. They’re all published in different formats, by different publishers and under different names. I have three of the same book all with different names and two with different publishers, and all with different publication dates. So as I read I find out if they go in a series, or trilogy or whatever. If tehy’re the same book with a different title, or anything like that.

Plus its very easy, I simply pull out the next book and insert the book I just finished reading into the open space. Which works well as her first books from the 50’s-early 90’s appear to be about the same size. In the 90’s and even the late 80’s they started to get bigger. Which in general I prefer. But with Andre Norton, I will take ANY book I can get!

Logic. So, tonight for example I stayed up until 1:57am playing the Sims 2. Both because its fun,a nd because it doesn’t require thinking.

Last night I stayed up until about 2am playing. And of course I stayed up until about 3 something finishing that book in an attempt to fall asleep (after lying in bed trying to sleep for half an hour). I woke up at around 4pm, not good!

I know that my logic is off, that I won’t fall asleep faster if I stay up latter. I know that I need to go to sleep early so tha tI’ll wake up early.

But its just no fun to go to bed early and lie in bed trying to fall asleep. I can ususally manage a few hours before I finally give in and get a book. And then I read until I cannot keep my eyes open any more.

So, what’s wrong with me? Why can’t  change?

I just cannot help but wondering…..

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